My Run-In with Ol' Smokey

I got stopped by a lady cop in my automobile...well, actually it was Ed's automobile, but I was driving it. And instead of it turning into any kind of Sir Psycho Sexy fantasy tale, it mostly ended up with me being scared out of my mind and pleading for leniency.

I know it looks like I'm about to throw down with the cop in the following photo, but really I'm just paralyzed with fear.

First off, as anyone who has ever suffered in my passenger seat can attest, I drive like a grandma so getting pulled over for speeding was a whole new experience for me. For the record, I was doing 65 in a 55. Who even knew there were 55mph zones anymore?

So the cop pulls me over. Upon rolling down the window she is greeting with the strong smell of whiskey from inside the car. This is never a good thing, but it actually helped me out in the long run.

The whiskey smell was coming from the backseat where Brandon had been in and out of consciousness for the past 70 miles. Nevertheless, the cop asked me to come out of the vehicle. Understandably so.

She instructed me to follow the tip of her pen with my eyes. This is fairly easy when you've only had one beer all day and that was over 4 hours ago. Then came some questions about how much I had to drink. She asked if I was feeling the effect of the alcohol from my one beer. I said I hadn't even felt the effects when I was drinking it. To make a long story short, the breathalyzer put me at a perfect .000.

And look at that belly! Whoa, I've really let myself go.

She thanked me for being responsible enough to escort by drunk friends around and let me off with a verbal warning for my powerful display of speed on a completely empty stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere.

Good times.