I wasted much of my childhood sorting, resorting, alphabetizing and re-alphabetizing baseball cards. Sure, that seems like a waste of time but it was actually quite fulfilling. Also, I was a loser.
Some kids were only interested in collecting the cards of "superstars" (e.g. Jerome Walton, Chris Sabo) but for me and others like me there was much fun to be had with the lesser known players as well.
A lot of people, even baseball fans, have no idea who Urbano Lugo is, but those of us who were "collectors" know that he pitched for the Angels for at least one year (1987). His card was worth nothing just like hundreds of other players' cards from that year - a proud group known as "commons." The only reason anybody remembers Urbano's short stint in the majors was the fact that his card was in practically every pack of 1987 Topps which, for my money, is the best card ever made with it's classy woodgrain borders.
I must have had 15 Urbano Lugo cards. The name itself was funny enough, but line up 15 of those suckers in a row and it becomes HILARIOUS. This is the kind of joy collecting cards gave me.
Non-collectors will never experience the joy of knowing no-names like Urbano Lugo. Nor will they get the satisfaction of cards featuring guys with funny haircuts, big glasses or dirty words written on their bats (thank you, Billy Ripken). They've long forgotten about Odibe McDowell, Billy Joe Robidoux and Johnny Lemaster (or Johnny "Disaster" as my dad used to call him).
Perhaps the best example of what they're missing out on is this:
For many years I thought this card was just a bad dream I had. It's Glenn Hubbard with a snake fer crissakes!
How did this happen? What is going on behind him? Why did the Braves allow this? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know an awesome baseball card when I see one.
Hubbard's beard is awesome enough, but combine it with a gigantic snake and you've got baseball card magic! Not to mention the fact that the Philly Phanatic and other mascots are having some kind of drunken party in the background. It's gotta be the best card of all time.
The only card I can think of right now that even comes close is the Mickey Hatcher "big glove" card from 1986:
Hooboy, that's a big glove!Upon seeing these cards, I know all you non-collectors are pissed that you wasted your childhoods with "friends" and "playing outside." Yup, you sure screwed up.
Well, if I remember more funny cards I'll post them here.
