IMDB STARmeter up 135% since last week!

It's not easy to become a major motion picture star.

First, you have to go to high school with a guy that makes movies. Then, ten years later, you have to go drink beer with him and accept when he offers you a movie role. Next, you receive something called a "script" which makes a great coaster. Then you spend up to 12 non-consecutive days drinking in basements and hotels while ad-libbing fat jokes and the next thing you know your "STARmeter" on the Internet Movie Database is up 135% in one week!

Sure, "Better Than Crazy" hasn't been released yet, but who cares when your STARmeter is skyrocketing like that?

Just for comparison, here are the current STARmeter readings for some of my peers:

Tom Cruise: up 20%
Cary Grant: down 19%
Brad Pitt: down 12%
Halle Berry: down 25%
Mr. T: down 24%
Carrot Top: down 27%
Phyllis Diller: no change
Bea Arthur: up 9%
Gary Coleman: up 112%
Dude who played Max Headroom: up 17%
Edward James Olmos: up 211%
Lassie from the original tv show: up 19%
Lassie from the 1994 remake: down 50%

So, out of the people (and dogs) who matter, Gary Coleman is nippin' at my heels and Edward James Olmos has me beat. Not too shabby if you ask me.

Now, I just need to wait for the movie to be released and find a place to put all those Oscars.

It should also be noted that I have no idea how the STARmeter works or exactly what it measures.