R.I.P. Dad Moustache

Nothing gives a man confidence and instant respectability like a strong moustache. Wyatt Earp had one, Albert Einstein had one, Waylon Jennings had one, Magnum PI had one; the list goes on and on. Sure there are some stinkers out there (i.e. Hitler, John Waters), but for the most part I'm a fan of all moustaches. I'd like to take this time to apologize to John Waters for grouping him with Hitler, but he brought it on himself.

Anyhow, if you were born any time between 1965 and 1983, before the whole world went soft, your dad had a moustache...and it was an AWESOME moustache. The Dad Moustache is the best kind of moustache because it exists for no other reason than to put fear into children. Of course by "fear" I mean "respect."

My dad's Dad Moustache was a true national treasure. Here it is, not too long ago, pushing my nephew in a wheelbarrow.

A closer look.

I'll see if I can track down a photo of it's late 70's prime.

I remember how the moustache and I used to play catch in the yard and how it used to drive me to school in the morning. And I definitely remember the way the moustache moved slowly back and forth as the dad-head it was attached to shook in disappointment as I struggled to start the lawnmower, chop firewood or identify the alternator while staring blankly under the hood of my car.

Now, my dad's moustache is gone. After 30-something years of sporting a museum worthy cookie-duster, all that's under my dad's nose is his big gleaming, joe-schmo upper lip.

Here it is in all it's horror.

Remind you of anyone?

It's like looking at the bare wall after the Mona Lisa got torn down.

Perhaps the worst part of the whole thing is that when the old man drinks a beer all the foam will go directly into his mouth instead of making a pitstop in the stache before being vaccuumed out by an extended bottom lip. What's the point of even drinking a beer?

Also, moustache's friend, big burly beard, preceded him in death 20 years ago and, frankly, I was just getting over that.

Of course, I'm taking action. I've instructed my lawyer to find out if it's even legal to simultaneously have a bare lip and a closest full Jimmy Buffet records. I just don't know what else to do.

RIP, Dad Moustache, you will be missed.