European Adventure #3 - Venice

If it weren't for the occassional waft of urine, you wouldn't believe that the city of Venice was any more real than the fabricated version in The Venetian in Vegas.

Seriously, it's like walking through Disneyland during a custodian strike.

First off, it's completely ridiculous to build a city where Venice is. I'm not even sure there is any actual land there. It just appears to be a cobblestone labyrinth floating right on top of the water. And when I say labyrinth, I mean labyrinth. I, personally, didn't see any goblins, talking door knockers or David Bowies, but none would have seemed out of place.

You cannot make a right turn here. No matter how good your sense of direction, Venice will eff you up. And I don't care how many times you won the soapbox derby while earning your Eagle Scout badge, you will get lost here.

Luckily, you don't care if you get lost because you are lost in a magical wonderland of Italian meats, cheeses, coffees and adult beverages. It's pretty fantastic.

We arrived in Venice in the middle of night with no clue where our hotel was. Minutes before leaving home, I received an email from Hotel Al Gazzetino that said, even though I had booked a room 4 months prior, that they would be unable to accommodate my reservation. Quickly, I booked the first hotel I could afford and hopped on a plane.

This left us wandering around the darkened Venice maze in the rain in the middle of the night. Our new hotel was called the Royal San Marco Hotel and we new it was close to the Piazza San Marco (You've seen this place in painful jewelry commercials. It is filled with pigeons and a gigantic church). Luckily, we found a group of Italian police officers. Unluckily, our conversation went like this:

Us: We are looking for the Royal San Marco Hotel

Them: This is San Marco.

Us: Yeah, we know that part. We're looking for the Royal San Marco Hotel.

Them: This is San Marco.
Us: Arrivderci!

Eventually, we walked into a different hotel and asked them where our hotel was. The concierge actual walked us, through what appeared to be a secret passageway, all the way to the lobby of our hotel.

The Royal San Marco Hotel turned out to be fantastic. On a side note, I tracked down the Hotel Al Gazzetino. Upon finding it, I quickly realized that by "unable to accommodate (my) reservation" they meant "our building has been condemned."

It was totally dark with no signs of activity. As an added bonus there were three print-outs taped to the front door. The first was an email to me, saying they could not accomodate me. The second was a similar email to someone named "Jenna Brooks." The third was a map to a different hotel.

Anyhow, I spent our first night in Venice pounding $18 hot chocolates at the bar across the street. They were called "Hot Choco Nuts" and they were worth evey penny.

The next night I returned to the same bar and chased out a whole group of folks by switching a tv to the Colts/Chargers game. Good ol' American football.

I can't believe people actually live in Venice. It really looks more like a painting than it does a place anybody could actually live. Yet, you see little old ladies walkign around and, if you make a wrong turn (and you will) you will end up in the residential area where there are actual families living. Unlike the French, who are all architects and flower girls, the Venetians all work as glass blowers and pizza chefs.

Venice is filled with old churches that are huge, dark, scary and don't even allow you to wear hats, tank tops and/or cut-offs. Since that is all I brought with me, I was S.O.L. for the majority of my time there.

I should also note that I didn't see a single Venetian blind in Venice. They just has curtains like eveyone else. And shutters. Lots of shutters. However, I feel it can be safely assumed that if they did have Venetian blinds, they would have just called them "blinds."

Yup, we ate well in Venice.

There were Ferraris.

I made friends with Signore Kitty.

And that's Venice.