European Adventure #2 - Why I Hate Flying

Paris to Venice

Don't fly Ryan Air! They are evil. They lure you in with extremely low fares and then they charge you for EVERYTHING! They charge you to check a bag, they charge you to carry on a bag, they charge you to pick a seat, they charge you for every little thing they can of. In the end, you don't end up saving any money and you're stuck with a lot of extra hassle.

Also, they don't fly to big airports. Their "Paris" airport is actually over an hour long bus ride away in the farm town of Beauvais. It is tiny and it smells of cows. And, of course, our flight was late.

Once on the plane, I attempted to nap. Shortly thereafter, I was rudely awakened by some pretty rough turbulance followed by the pilot apologizing for both the severity of the bumps and the lack of notice.

Turbulance and I do not get along. All my life I've been easy prey for motion sickness, so this rough spot immediately sent me downhill. Just like a squeezed sponge, the sweat started to soak everything. My face went pale. My heart was racing.

I don't like planes in the first place, but I defintely don't like being sick on one. Also, with the turbulance, I had to stay in my seat and couldn't get up to use the bathroom. Another thing about planes: you can't roll down the window and, boy, did I need some fresh air.

I was face to face with one of my worst fears - throwing up on a plane...and with no privacy. So I looked to the back of my seat for the complimentary motion sickness bag. Apparently, Ryan Air doesn't supply those.

So I made Amber ask the stewardess for a bag. The stewardess acted as if this were the oddest request ever. Like she had never heard of someone getting sick on a plane before. She returned a little later with not a bag, but a handful of napkins. With no other option, I accepted them and figured I'd work out the puke logistics as I needed to.

Also at this point, the rest of the folks on the plane began to take notice. The fella in front me turned all the way around and stopped just short of opening a bag a popcorn to better enjoy the show.

Then the stewardess returned with good news. She had found a bag. To be more accurate, she had found a clear, plastic bag not unlike a large sandwich bag. On the list of good things in which to puke, a clear plastic bag is only a small step up from a pile of napkins.

Much to the dissappoint of the fella in front of me, I did not end up puking. I held it together just long enough, to land in in Italy where we faced yet another hour long bus ride to get to Venice even though, according to Ryan Air, we had just landed in Venice.

I was still all shaky and pale and gross, so we opted to pay the 75 Euros ($1,000,000 USD) for a taxi instead.

Thanks for the savings, Ryan Air!