I watched the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol the other day and it's a real winner.
I feel that it is, by far, the creepiest version and that's gotta be worth something. The kids that play Ignorance and Want are pretty much the scariest thing I've ever seen - all malnourished and boney. I have no doubt that those roles effectively killed their young careers as they did such a great job that they were type-cast as malnourished boney kids and, really, there's very little demand for that. This must have been such a disappointment to their annoying over-aggressive mothers who, undoubtedly, could have shoved them down the path to fame and fortune, and thereby made up for the failures in their own lives, by choosing to put them in adorable paper towel commercials instead. Live and learn, annoying over-aggressive moms.
This version is also notable for having a Ghost of Christmas Past who - and this has to be because it was made in 1984- looks just like Lita Ford.
It should also be noted that the Ghost of Christmas Present, in any version, is pretty much the most badass guy ever. Dude is like 10 feet tall, has an awesome beard and walks around town wearing nothing but a green velvet robe and carrying a torch. A lighted torch too! Just awesome. Like pro wrestler awesome. I'd like to see Christmas Present go up against someone like Andre the Giant or King Kong Bundy in a no holds barred cage match. Heck, I'd even take a match against Big John Studd or the Iron Sheik, whatever. Maybe Lita Ford...errr the Ghost of Christmas Past can hook that up.
Also, A Christmas Carol really suggests that there is some bizarre ghost world out there where ghosts have jobs with very specific assignments. I mean, there are three ghosts just for Christmas. Are there enough crotchety old misers out there to keep them busy all year round? Are there seasonal layoffs? Or is torturing old people only part of their job description? Perhaps the rest of the year they hang drywall or something. Gotta supplement the ol' ghost income somehow. Gotta put ghost food on your ghost family's table.
And if there are three ghosts specifically assigned to torture crotchety old men and shove goodwill and socialism down their throats, there must be like a billion other ghosts out there with equally ridiculous jobs. When I die, which could be any day now, I just want to take it easy and enjoy death with a nice cocktail, some burgers and few laughs. I don't wanna be put work torturing old men. Of course, maybe there are some good ghost jobs too.
Maybe there's a Ghost of Candy Past because I could sure go for a PB Maxx. But, I bet for every sweet gig like that there's some real downer job like Ghost of Paint Drying or Ghost of Mowing the Lawn Even Though the Game's On. Whatever the specific assignments there sure must be a lot of ghosts doing an awful lot of work.
One thing's for sure though, every other ghost in the ghost world hates that Casper... even the Ghost of Underpants Past...who, by the way, doesn't have any friends at all.
And God bless us, everyone.
